U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms

[thebigother]

WASHINGTON—Barely two months after U.N. inspectors in Iran failed to find evidence of an active nuclear weapons program, the Department of Homeland Security uncovered new information Monday proving the Middle Eastern nation has obtained literally trillions of atoms—the same particles sometimes used to make atomic bombs—for unknown purposes.
Enlarge Image Condoleezza Rice

"We have no doubt that Iran now possesses an alarming number of atoms within its borders, despite countless warnings from the international community," Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff said at a press conference Monday afternoon, as he pointed to a satellite image marked with dozens of locations where his office claims the unauthorized atoms are being held. "The Iranians maintain the atoms are only being used to form the building blocks of all existence, but we cannot afford to take that risk."

The atoms, which DHS officials believe to be "the smallest indivisible units of any element," were first discovered in aerial photographs taken of a laboratory in central Isfahan. When the photographs were enlarged several hundred thousand times, additional clusters of atoms—known in intelligence circles as "matter"—were spotted in large cargo trucks parked nearby the facility, in storage units on the grounds, and in the pockets, shoes, clothing, hair, and skin of several nuclear physicists in the parking lot.

More alarming, officials said, is the "very likely" possibility that there are more atoms inside the laboratory.

"The threat of atoms in Iran is real," said Chertoff, showing reporters an empty vial to illustrate his point. "Even as we speak, Iranians are turning millions of carbon atoms into a powerful energy source they can use to strengthen their armies, pilots, president, and someday perhaps, a team of nuclear physicists."

'We could get into a situation where Iran has so many atoms that its increased atomic weight allows it to bully its neighbors.'

Earlier this month, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a visit to the region, where she reportedly observed atoms being smuggled across the border from neighboring countries Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as daily shipments of atoms from as far away as Russia, China, and the troposphere. Secretary Rice also witnessed atoms being strategically used to deliver televised press conferences regarding the nonproliferation of Iranian atoms.

"Security checkpoints have been unable to stop the flow of atoms into Iran," Rice said. "Even with the best equipment available, it is nearly impossible to distinguish dangerous atoms that could be used in fission for the purposes of massive destruction from the kind of atoms that are functioning primarily as mechanical pencils."

Added Rice: "We cannot afford to let these atoms fall into, or be a part of, the wrong hands."

Vice President Dick Cheney and his staff were briefed on the atomic situation in Iran Tuesday with the aid of colorful interlocking plastic models and a short film.

"The United States will not stand idly by while Iran gains the protons, neutrons, and whatever else they need to threaten the free world," Cheney said at a press conference that afternoon. "Iran has demonstrated time and time again its ability to combine atoms of hydrogen and oxygen right out in the open, and we cannot allow that to go on any longer."

Iranian officials claim the atoms are being used only for peaceful, life-sustaining purposes, and that it is physically impossible for Iran or any government to create or destroy matter in order to comply with U.S. regulations.

Next month, U.N. inspectors will visit Iran to investigate and catalog all of the nation's current atomic holdings in order to determine if the country may be stockpiling dangerous atoms in unregistered laboratories, underground facilities, above-ground facilities, the citizenry, air, water, soil, grass, shoes, picnic lunches, pets, flaky pastries, or the numerous nuclear warheads the country has recently featured in parades.

They're not there, it's all a lie, just like the Iraq fiasco!

so what, my ass has trillinons of atoms too. anyway, pack your bags boys and girls, we're going to Iran! should be a blast

Yes its all very very funny, isnt it? A government that supports radicals, including neo-nazis who are adamament the holocaust never happened and Al qaida in Iraq. It must be a huge coincidence that the insurgent snipers in Iraq are using iranian weapons, we have caught numerous Iranian agents and found Iranian passports in weapons caches. I suppose its also a coincidence that the Explosively Formed Penetrators that they slap on the top of the Improvised Explosive Devices have fingerprints of known Iranian agents on them, as well.

Iranian agents training snipers, supplying AIQ with the materials needed to make bombs that slice right through layer after layer of armor, causing a jet of super heated fire to engulf the inside of the vehicle, melting the soldiers gear to their very bones. Its all good, because we can laugh at it in a joke news article. huzzah!

[thebigother]

It's not a coinsidence. It's exactly what tons of people saying was going to happen before the war even started. Or maybe your angry at how similar this article is to real news articles abour Iraq during the build up to the war about Iran now. That kinda bugs me too.

Originally Posted by ApocalypseSoldier

Yes its all very very funny, isnt it? A government that supports radicals, including neo-nazis who are adamament the holocaust never happened and Al qaida in Iraq.

Of course they support a holocaust denial. Their name means "Aryan", after all.

It must be a huge coincidence that the insurgent snipers in Iraq are using iranian weapons, we have caught numerous Iranian agents and found Iranian passports in weapons caches.

And some terrorists use... American weapons.

Does that mean we should go to war with ourselves?

Iranian agents training snipers, supplying AIQ with the materials needed to make bombs that slice right through layer after layer of armor, causing a jet of super heated fire to engulf the inside of the vehicle, melting the soldiers gear to their very bones. Its all good, because we can laugh at it in a joke news article. huzzah!

Why wouldn't we laugh at a joke news article? Humor is hilarious!

Maybe our soldier friend would like a happier Mid-East story?

Not-So-Horrible Thing Happens In Iraq
October 22, 2007

BAGHDAD—In a development Pentagon officials are calling not nearly as horrifying as usual, three car bombs ripped through a Baghdad marketplace Monday, killing fewer than 15 innocent civilians, severely injuring no more than 30, and merely maiming one U.S. soldier.

The car bombs, which were detonated by Iraqi insurgents at approximately 2 p.m., left slightly less than complete and utter devastation in their wake. As of press time, barely five families were believed to be trapped beneath the resulting wreckage, although upbeat U.S. authorities have estimated that number could be as low as four.
Enlarge Image
'[Iraq's] once-appalling conditions become measurably less dreadful with each just barely tragic bombing.'
U.S. Iraq Commander Gen. David Petraeus


"Not bad—not bad at all," said Lt. Col. Michael Donnelly, who claimed the attack is conclusive proof that the tide in Iraq is somewhat turning in a vaguely less-ghastly direction. "This is hardly the parade of death and destruction we've grown accustomed to. In fact, I've recently received word that our injured soldier isn't even going to lose his other leg."
"Things are definitely starting to almost look up," Donnelly added.

According to Pentagon sources, the fact that only a handful of the casualties were elderly women is a testament to the success of President Bush's latest troop surge. In addition, because only the easternmost portion of a nearby Sunni mosque experienced severe structural damage, Monday's events will go down in military records as a "relative victory for the U.S."
High-ranking commanders agreed with the assessment, saying that the scarcely atrocious incident of mass violence was just one in a recent string of less than dreadful occurrences in the not quite as, but still very troubled region. Last week's suicide bombing of two schools in Fallujah, for example, left nowhere near 500 Iraqi children dead, and Thursday's sniping of three U.S. soldiers killed just two instantly, while the other, a 19-year-old Marine, was able to survive for nearly a whole day before succumbing to internal injuries.

"This just shows that we are getting to a point where things here aren't absolutely appalling and are now consistently just god- awful," U.S. Iraq commander Gen. David Petraeus said. "And that's great."

Noting a minute decrease in helpless cries for mercy, Petraeus added that the blast's aftermath was "not even close" to being as grisly as it could have been. A satisfied Petraeus also told reporters that Baghdad streets and avenues could be more accurately described as "blood-splattered" than "blood-soaked."

"This makes the tragedy that occurred in Samarra—when eight of our men were killed in a helicopter crash, half a dozen water mains were destroyed, a major bridge was bombed to rubble, several oil fields were set on fire, and an attack on an outlying power station caused widespread electrical outages—seem like a distant memory," Petraeus said of the massive damage inflicted four hours earlier in a separate insurgent attack. "Yes, sir, things are definitely starting to virtually go our way."

Upon receiving the not-altogether-hideous news, Defense Secretary Robert Gates was reportedly optimistic, but could not predict a realistic time frame in which the overall conditions in Iraq would become the opposite of terrifying, or even sort of halfway livable. However, Gates did say that if the bombings are any indication of future conditions, the situation in Iraq could be upgraded to "nightmarish" within months.

"We see before us the promise of a new Iraq, one that is only marginally devastating or even, God willing, just temporarily horrific," Gates said. "A couple more days like this and I don't see any reason why our troops won't be able to come home slightly earlier than never."

SOURCE

[thebigother]

I hope he isn't one of those dudes who takes every criticism of the war as a personal attack against him and every other soldier. I hope he's not one of those "shut up and let us do our job" types either. Those dudes are lame.

[Adick]

Originally Posted by ApocalypseSoldier

Yes its all very very funny, isnt it? A government that supports radicals, including neo-nazis who are adamament the holocaust never happened and Al qaida in Iraq. It must be a huge coincidence that the insurgent snipers in Iraq are using iranian weapons, we have caught numerous Iranian agents and found Iranian passports in weapons caches. I suppose its also a coincidence that the Explosively Formed Penetrators that they slap on the top of the Improvised Explosive Devices have fingerprints of known Iranian agents on them, as well.

Iranian agents training snipers, supplying AIQ with the materials needed to make bombs that slice right through layer after layer of armor, causing a jet of super heated fire to engulf the inside of the vehicle, melting the soldiers gear to their very bones. Its all good, because we can laugh at it in a joke news article. huzzah!

It is all a coincidence

If the US really wants to do something about Islamic fundamentalism they'd do something about Saudi Arabia, nobody is nearly as responsible for the spread of it than they are. But they give us their oil, so we're not gonna do anything to that that might stop that. And the Bush family and the House of Saud are so close that the guys kiss each other and hold hands.

Although, on the bright side, an invasion of Iran might turn out to be more successful than Iraq was because Iran is much more homogeneous and won't suffer from pesky ethnic and religious- based conflicts once the US "frees" them. But still, it would be primarily for oil and power and a would make the debt even more gargantuan. fuck that