unholy_steve
06-15-2009, 05:09 PM
today i stood near a gentlemen who literly smelled, not like bo, but like shit yes shit. i didn't crack any jokes or anything, but i started thinking to my self, "hmmm why whould this guy smell like this." and it suddenly dwaned on me that this man could have gone through life not fully understanding the mechanics of whiping his bunghole and i felt that if there was at least one person that whould benifit from a "how to" i whould make it my mission to write one. first we will talk about feces or poop if you will, then the best way to deal with them.
there are three main classifications of poop that i will go over in a second, they are solid, sticky, and dihariha.
solid- a solid turd is kinda like a double edged sword, the consistency of a solid turd is much like a rock, which can cause minor discomfort to acutal pain upon excrement, but there is an upside! the best characteristic of the solid turd is it's an easy wipe, i have found that the best technique for whiping the aftermath of a solid poop is using the folded method, this is done by taling about 18" of toilet tissue and folding it in half twice this should provide you with enough to perform an adequate wipe without getting any on your hand, repeat the process until there is no more remininents of the fecal matter on the paper, then take an extra wipe for good measure.
sticky - a sticky turd bares an uncany resimblence to a solid turd, but beware that is where the resimblence ends, this the most demonic form of poop, has the consistency of penut butter, and bring nightmares to hairy asses everywhere, but by combining the crumple technique with the folded technique you can prevail. the crumple technique, as it's name implies involves, the crumpling of the toilet tissue to perform this take about 18" of toilet tissue and crumple it into a ball [NOTE: this technique can also be used on a solid, but the nooks and crannies that are created by the crumpling are really effictive on a sticky shit] once again repeat the process until there is no more remininents of the fecal matter on the paper, then using the folded method we covered earlier perform the "good measure" wipe.
dihariha- quite possibly the most feared form of excrement, but with my secrect technique you will soon fear it just a bit more than a solid turd. dihariha has the consistency of water and is ofted discribed as "pissing out of your asshole." the best way to deal with dihariha is by using the previously discribed "crumple method" but here is where the secrect technique that i mentioned eariler comes in first you start the wipe as normal, but as you reach your bunghole, you pause for a second, you will notice that the same method that acted like a scraper has now taken on the characteristics of a sponge, now follow through with the wipe and repeat untill there is no more, then once again use the folded method to perform the "good measure" wipe. [TAKE CAUTION: if the pause is too long you may put yourself at risk of getting dihariha on your fingers, it is best to start with a shorter pause then work your way up rather than start with a long pause get shit on your fingers and work your way down.]
so that's it, fi you were in the dark on butt wiping, now you know, and knowing is half the battle ........
YOOOOOOOOOOOOO JOOOOOOOOOE!
drugs)+
there are three main classifications of poop that i will go over in a second, they are solid, sticky, and dihariha.
solid- a solid turd is kinda like a double edged sword, the consistency of a solid turd is much like a rock, which can cause minor discomfort to acutal pain upon excrement, but there is an upside! the best characteristic of the solid turd is it's an easy wipe, i have found that the best technique for whiping the aftermath of a solid poop is using the folded method, this is done by taling about 18" of toilet tissue and folding it in half twice this should provide you with enough to perform an adequate wipe without getting any on your hand, repeat the process until there is no more remininents of the fecal matter on the paper, then take an extra wipe for good measure.
sticky - a sticky turd bares an uncany resimblence to a solid turd, but beware that is where the resimblence ends, this the most demonic form of poop, has the consistency of penut butter, and bring nightmares to hairy asses everywhere, but by combining the crumple technique with the folded technique you can prevail. the crumple technique, as it's name implies involves, the crumpling of the toilet tissue to perform this take about 18" of toilet tissue and crumple it into a ball [NOTE: this technique can also be used on a solid, but the nooks and crannies that are created by the crumpling are really effictive on a sticky shit] once again repeat the process until there is no more remininents of the fecal matter on the paper, then using the folded method we covered earlier perform the "good measure" wipe.
dihariha- quite possibly the most feared form of excrement, but with my secrect technique you will soon fear it just a bit more than a solid turd. dihariha has the consistency of water and is ofted discribed as "pissing out of your asshole." the best way to deal with dihariha is by using the previously discribed "crumple method" but here is where the secrect technique that i mentioned eariler comes in first you start the wipe as normal, but as you reach your bunghole, you pause for a second, you will notice that the same method that acted like a scraper has now taken on the characteristics of a sponge, now follow through with the wipe and repeat untill there is no more, then once again use the folded method to perform the "good measure" wipe. [TAKE CAUTION: if the pause is too long you may put yourself at risk of getting dihariha on your fingers, it is best to start with a shorter pause then work your way up rather than start with a long pause get shit on your fingers and work your way down.]
so that's it, fi you were in the dark on butt wiping, now you know, and knowing is half the battle ........
YOOOOOOOOOOOOO JOOOOOOOOOE!
drugs)+