DATE: 11/20/2007 15:09:17 / MOOD: other

so today i was thinking about when exactly it was that i stopped giving a shit about anything or anyone. i was trying to figure out whe it was that i decided to never let anything or anyone get to me ever again. that it was just easier not to care about anything or anyone enough to let it make any impact on me in any way. like... when did that happen? cause i know i wasn't always like that and i think it happened about the time that i figured out what i think i always knew: that you can't really count on anyone. not the person you love. not your family. not your best friend. nobody. letting yourself love someone too much is weak and stupid. it's the biggest mistake you can make. because the people you love the most, and care about more than anything else... they ALWAY seem to know EXACTLY how to let you down. and damn, does that hurt. like a mother fucker. it's the worst. whoever said that bullshit "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" or whatever, is a STUPID ASSHOLE. not only are they a stupid asshole but they are dead wrong. i'd much rather never have loved at alkl, thanks though. that way, over a half of a fucking year later, i wouldn't still cry about it like a little emo peice of shit. so fuck all the optimistic fuckers. they can all suck one. i'll never make anyone my everything again. because what do you get when you lose your everything? that's right. nothing. so fuck everyone. i'm not being starky when i say i don't care about anybody. i really really don't. you asked if you ruined my life. i said no. because you didn't. but you did hurt me. and that's bad enought. 

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