I wake up and realize there is more to life than just complaining.  I want to rant all day and all night about how much I hae Bush, but I am going to run out of material.  Hate is not to be my motivator in life.  So to change speeds a bit... I will tell you about a few things I love about my life.

 I love my new battle hawk.  It is a short version of the 12 inch mowhawk.  I wanted to grow my hair out and have a propper mohawk, but I was not able to stay away from the trimmer on my electric razor.  I plan to dye it red.  It will be amazing when it grows out a few more inches or so, and I love it as it is now as well.

I love punk rock music, but I get weird and start thinking of the days when no one believed that I was a PUNK.  I had to lay it down for a few years and turn on the power to explain it to my family.  I went gagga and did quite a bunch of overkill in the explaining and insisting.  I feel a little bit silly now as I look back and realize I was forcing PUNK ROCK down every one's throat.  I was adamant abot being the anti-fachist and the punk that I wanted to be, and I wish that I had just gone ahead and lightened up.  My sister called punk rock "Junk Punk" as she thought I was being closed minded in my vocalization of how she listens to Sarah Mac whats her face and was still checking out underground music that I thought was not her style.  I hope that she realizes that I was just vocalizing a comment, and like the fact that she has expanding horisons.  I wish she didn't hate PUNK ROCK so much though, as she would realy dig it if I weren't into it I suppose.  I love the angst and the rythems of the music.  I love the anti-social aspects and the expressions of alienation raly hit home with me.  I had been locked up before for wearing safety pins and making the childish remark that they kept me safe.  FUCK THAT!  The fact that I was still believing, if ever so slightly so, that something was going to save me ment that I had some reason to exist!  I had lost ALL hop after that and started drinking at bus stops and lost all hope.  I couldn't save myself, at least then, and I believe it was my friends and music that brought me back to life.  I don't miss the bad times, but music was my lifeline and I held on tight.  Now I am still suffering, and that is a shame, but  am better off in my improved life.  I learned a lot of things, but mostly I needed a good shower and a lot of love!  I am still smoking cigaretts though, but I was smoking basicly trashy filters since  had no money to but real cigaretts.  I still feel my self linering around the corner as if I have never left the falling apart stages in some pathetic sense.  I hope my essence finds happiness and release from all the pain I felt back in those days.

I love my two cats Magus and Orangy.  They are my buddies and my only sons.  I had to make a choice to not have a child that I was responsible for, and it was a mutual desision between my self and the woman.  I wish that I had the chance to ease the pain I caused him or her.  I will some how get a wife and forgive myself for the death of the child.  I would have done the proper thing if I had the chance to do it all over again.  I will love any child that i father in a deep way.  Even I realize that in this world there are chances to have a decent life and a good home for a child.  I love you in whatever place that you are in child!  I will have to also say that could of, would of and should have are the things that make up all of our regrets and I must move on...

I love that I am 33 years old and have no sexualy transmited diseases.  I have stayed away from having many sexual partners, at most times because I couldn't get laid.  Either way i have remained healthy.  I feel great and feel I have acomplished something here.  I can still love and get married and have a family. I had my primary care phyisician check me out, and the only problem that I have is the fact that I have to quit smoking.  I am going bald and I had mono in High School, but that rounds out the problems  have, beyond having a mental case for a head.  I take the pills that I am perscibed and feel as ordinary as the next guy.  Iam not a basket case, but many of us did not survive this drug era life without some form of mental difficulty.  Some people are still afraid of the mentaly ill, but there are more and more cases of illness being found in people everyday.  You can rellax, we are not monsters.  Visit www.nami.org for more information about the illness you or your family might have, as well as to educate yourself on what can be done for all including your friends.

I love many things in life like being able to walk, my health, my views, my friends, my family, and my inteligece.  I will never miss out on the better life, as long as I keep these things close to my heart.  Just be thankful for what you have and don't over estimate the way that life can pull it away from you.  Tie a knot and hold on!

Remember it is love that holds together the universe.  The law of attraction is what bonds life together.  You must be able to grasp that as it is a scientific cocept even dicussed in Physics and Jim Morrison's song when he sing "Love hides in molecular structure."  The man was right!  Be kind and realise that you might not live forever!

MEMBERS COMMENTS [ Login to post a comment ]