DATE: 10/05/2008 12:31:17 / MOOD: in love

I was walking through crowded streets and my first thought was, "THERE'S TOO MANY OF US, THERE'S TOO MANY OF US, LET'S START A WAR, SO YOU CAN GO DIE." Fear seems to play in my head whenever I end up in large crowds, I hate large crowds. On the subway, in the halls of my school, in Time Square, I listen to Fear. It's probably not healthy to feel that way about people, but I hate them. And they always stare at me, as if I have something written on my forehead... Sometimes I wonder if I do.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 09/05/2008 22:56:38 / MOOD: angry

There appears to be no way for me to stand up for myself. I don't know what to do, it just seems like people who call themselves my friends give me shit and then throw it in my face. I was taught that respect is a two way street. I respect my friends, I don't make fun of them, I don't give them shit. They like to treat me like crap. I tell them that it pisses me off and they don't care, they shove it in my face.

The thing is that there is a difference between annoying me and pissing me off. There is a vast chasm, but people don't realize it. When people piss me off, I guess some people call it "seeing red," it's like I just want to make them feel just as frustrated and hurt as I feel. (It's gotten me into some bad situations in the past). I don't know what to do, I tell them and they don't stop. They thinks it's a real big joke to get me pissed off.

I have no options it feels like. These are my fucking friends, but they act like my enemies. The problem is that it's my two best friends mostly, every one else is really nice to me. Sometimes I wish that I could just grab their heads and slam it into the fucking wall, just so they would shut up. They hate their lives, I know it, I see it. I think they're just pissed because I'm not a slacker whose going to be stuck here forever, I'm going to get out of this shit town. With that being said, I just want them to shut up. When I try to actually sit them down after what they've done (after I've told them it pisses me off the first time), they just get pissed off or they make fun of me.

They are stupid indie kids, who listen to sucky music, who have sucky lives, but they're my best friends. Ugh, in some ways I wish they would just leave me alone.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 08/26/2008 16:34:11 / MOOD: happy

1.) My mother singing "Knowledge" by Operation Ivy (but she was singing along to the cover done by Green Day).

2.) My mother singing along to "I Fought the Law" (classic as ever).

3.) My mother asking if the song "God Save the Queen" was by the Misfits (haha).

I'm turning my mother from conservative democratic to raging punk...

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 08/22/2008 21:01:54 / MOOD: happy

It is obvious that some people's parents do not support their children and their punk leanings. My mother is occasionally conservative, but usually she gets over my crazy antics and will help me (she put up my mohawk every few days when one of my arms was fucked up). Sometimes, she eves supports me to the point where she will buy me things that I really want. Today, I think she was too happy, because this is everything she bought me (don't ask me how I got her to do it, I have no idea)...

She bought me a pair of Doc Martin's, which I have been lusting after for quite some time (8 eye and my first pair). She bought me three records: The Meatmen (We're the Meatmen and You Suck!), Blanks 77 (Up the System), and The Necros (Tangled Up). She bought me three graphic novels/comic books: "Mine Tonight" by Alixopulos, "My Life in the Jugular Vein" by Ben Snakepit, and "Friends" by Francois Vigneault. She also bought me two pins: Minor Threat (beerhead) and Misfits (skull). Usually I don't ask for much mostly because A) I shop on my own with my own money (which is very little) and B) I feel bad asking for a lot of stuff because I know that every penny adds up and I don't want to waste her money. I think because we're on vacation she's kind of relaxing. Earlier this summer she bought me the ticket for Iggy Pop for $45 and recently she bought me a ticket for the Reagan Youth show in September. The fact of the mater is that if my mother hated that I liked punk she would not have indulged me today and in some ways I'm really glad that she doesn't hate punk (she likes X and 7 Seconds = ). Sometimes she can be very anti-punk, but once you get her shopping well she just won't stop. = )

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 08/19/2008 13:44:05 / MOOD: happy

I saw Iggy Pop a week ago and it was the most glorious experience of my life. I saw Blackout Shoppers last night and got poked in the head by the lead singer (he needs to cut his nails, haha) and sang into the mic.

In September I'm going to see Reagan Youth and I want lots of people to come. So, if you're "in the NYC area" you should come. I mean, it's $8, it's all ages, it's on a saturday (the 13th), and it's at 4 p.m.. I don't know why, but I just feel like inviting lots of people, I just want a lot of people to come and talk to and bump into.

Haha, so, yeah, everyone should come and it will be savage and it will hopefully redeem the month of September for being the start of school.

http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&eventId=290957&pl=ticketweb

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 07/18/2008 23:56:43 / MOOD: bored

I hate fights over what is punk and what is not, I hate fights over whether emo is punk or not, I hate fights over whether punk is mainstream or not.

Who gives a fuck? It's music, it's what I love, I don't need to define to enjoy it. Does it really matter what one person wants to define it as versus another?

Here is all I'm going to say about emo and mainstream: if you want to compare emo to punk, the only reason most of us say that emo is mainstream is because you can see emo bands on MTV, Fuse, etc., however I'm pretty sure that punk doesn't get the same play. In my mind that's why a lot of people say that what is currently considered emo is mainstream. People like saying that emo is getting the same treatment that punk was, however I would have to say that they are either treated equally or punk is considered worse. Trust me, you stick a scene kid in high school and they're considered the same as a punk kid. However, in my personal experience emo/scene kids are generally treated as less of freaks than a punk. Stick me on a subway and then stick and emo kid on there and see how many more people stare at me... it's surprsing (and sometimes doesn't make me too happy at 8 a.m.)!

I'm friends with lots of scene kids and I generally don't have a problem with them, they're like anyone else they're just people. People may not like their music, however disliking an entire group of people because you don't like their music is bullshit. It's basically just making up reasons to hate other people.

Also, I hate when older punks say shit like, "Well, you weren't around then so you wouldn't know." Sadly, I did not have control over the year that I was born, but that doesn't mean that I don't listen to bands from the 60s to now. Just because I wasn't there doesn't mean that I don't know something, maybe it's someone else's perception of it, but I'm not completely oblivious to it. I don't know, it just pisses me off, I hate when people treat me like I'm inferior because I'm younger. I just hate when people try to insult others over their age. You're just jealous that I'm so young and full of life (haha)!

Haha, okay, yeah, that's all I have to say. It's all a bunch of shit that I really didn't write out eloquently, but whatever, you get the picture. It's just my opinion, you're allowed to have your own, I just wanted to say what I was thinking.

ALSO: FUCK 18+ AND 21+ SHOWS! I hate it! I understand 21+, it means that they don't have to worry about selling alcohol to minors, however 18+ makes no sense. The only reason I can think is that if there are no minors they may have lower insurance rates or something. I guess I understand, but it pisses me off to no end!

Haha, okay, so good night! = )

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 07/16/2008 22:41:20 / MOOD: bored

I can't focus. I just finished writing a letter to Edward Norton about Joan Didion's essays. I had to pick someone and I was watching American History X, so I picked Edward Norton. I don't know why I have to write this bullshit. It's for a writing workshop at NYU tomorrow morning. I have no idea how being able to analyze Joan Didion's essays will help me in life besides making me better at writing essays in college. And if I write better essays in college then I'll do well. And if I do well in college I'll get a great job working in some cubicle like all the other rats. And then I'll get married and have 2 kids and a white picket fence somewhere in suburbia. And then I'll retire and my kids will get married. Then I'll die. Doesn't that sound like a lovely life?

In other news: tomorrow should be better, I'm going to go see Kissy Kamikaze play at the Knitting Factory. It's $5 for four bands which is the right price.

I wrote a haiku about boots today in philosophy:

Boots look good on you / Punk rock love on your two feet / can I wear your boots?

I keep drawing cartoons of boots all over my notebook and during lunch Ned and I went to look at more boots that I will never be able to afford. I don't know, army surplus is pretty cheap, I guess it will work.

 

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 07/12/2008 21:29:49 / MOOD: happy

I went to a Lower Class Brats show today. It was killer! My friend was going to come, but then she got pink eye. No one else I knew could go, either they were too young or working or away. I went alone, which is not something that I generally like, but it was actually fine. Wednesday Night Heroes and Time Again were good, but I didn't know them. Lower Class Brats were killer. The only annoying thing was that I was on the side of the pit and everytime they would push towards me I would hit my ankle on this step. Also, all of these giant guys with their giant boots wanted to crowd surf, which always makes me nervous. Ya see, I don't mind pushing and shoving, even maybe by accident getting hit in the head, but I would really prefer to go out without a boot in the face. Haha, I always go to small shows, but it was pretty packed, which was awesome. Big shows are always more fun. But yeah, I still feel like I don't wanna like go to school or do anything, I just want to go to another show. I'm going to a show on Thursday, but that feels like too long. = )

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 07/06/2008 23:36:36 / MOOD: other

So, again, I can't sleep, which in general sucks. But, what sucks more is that my arthritis has been seriously obnoxious for the past few days. It either hurts really badly in the morning when i want to sleep more, so I have to get up or it's pissing me off at night, like now, when i want to go to sleep. Right now, it's killing my neck because of how I'm sitting. I feel like an 80 year old, which isn't something every 17 year old can say -- no that it's a good thing. Fuck, I hate this shit. Am I the only one on here with arthritis? Now some of you might think that this is not possible, that's just because you're misinformed, at 11 I got juvenile arthritis, yup and I still have it.

This is totally off topic, but I was thinking about how when I was a little kid there were indicators that I would one day be the way I am. My first word was "damn," and my first sentence was "you make me sick." Obviously, I was a lovely child. = )

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 06/29/2008 09:34:59 / MOOD: lonely

I don't know how to feel about this. I guess my whole philosophy of "don't focus on things that you have no control over" has really fucked me over this time. I knew that my hair would piss my rents off, but it's really gotten worse, they keep questioning me about things I don't have the answer to. The thing is that I don't want to piss them off, I don't want to "disappoint" them, I would much rather have a great relationship with them then have them dislike me. I'm an only child, so if they both hate me it means that I'm hated by everyone in my house. I don't know what to do, I just feel totally dumb and it's making me hate my hair. I guess it was a bad decision, even though I love it. Fuck, why do they make everything more difficult? Why do I always do the wrong thing?

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 06/28/2008 15:02:23 / MOOD: other

I hopped off a train and sat down on a bench. I could see my mother pull up and then she stopped. I knew what had just went down in her mind, "THAT THING SITTING ON THAT BENCH WITH A PINK MOHAWK CAN'T BE MY DAUGHTER." Alas, that was me, that's how I choose to spend yesterday at my friend's house. We spent a good 3 hours shaving the sides and then dying the center pink and I think I'm in love with it, however my parents "just don't understand me." I don't know how to feel, my mother is angry which she is trying to pass off as "disappointment," while my father, the one I feared the most, seemed almost okay with it but "WE ARE NOT GOING TO SEE SCHOOLS WITH YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT!" So, I don't know whether to feel happy or like a dumbass, but that's basically my fault either way. 

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 06/22/2008 08:08:47 / MOOD: other

I need a job. At the moment, I've been talking to the owner of a music shop (instruments, lessons, etc.) about working behind the counter, answering calls, tuning guitars, etc.. I've known him for 3 years, so that's a plus and I know everyone who works the front right now... Yeah... so I mean, that would be a pretty cool first job and one that I feel like I can do competently, I really hope I get it, haha money would be really nice.

View Entry | Leave A Comment