I don't mean to act like a pussy or complain being a complete and utter fucking bitch.

But my ex of 6 months or so who I went out with for almost 7 months was texting me last night and shit calling me a whore and a slut and ugly and crap like that. Then towards the end of our conversation he said he cheated on me. He had been cheating on me during the last month of our relationship with about 3 - 4 girls my friend Ben had said. His friends fucking knew and no one fucking told me.

He said I wasn't worth more then the cigarettes i smoke. And that I'll never be good enough for anyone yadda yadda. Cause I know I am and that kids a fucking dipshit.

I posted the texts between him and I on my myspace. After a bunch of my friends were asking for his number and crap to post it on websites and my friends who do live in Racine where asking where he lived so we could all go kick his ass together.

His does have a profile on punkrockers somewhere but I have no clue. Wanna fuck with him? Ask for his number or URL and I'll gladly give it to you.

We had a fight.

A big one.

One that made me cry and want to die.

 Half an hour later he goes

"I  want to be cremated"

He said he had the pills in his mouth

But he couldn't do it cause of me.

He went and got stoned

But didn't do anything else cause of me.

He got put into the hospital

I didn't get to see him for a while.

Now he's out.

How many suicide notes has he written?

How many has he set on fire and thrown in the rain?

Does he know how much I've cried cause of him?

He yells at me alot.

And then he says he's sorry.

I'm sick of his shit.

Of this world.

What shall I do?

Yesterday I was sitting in school for 7 hours. Ok? All really fucking exicted cause I knew like deep in my heart that we were gonna have a snow day today. Wewt. We did. Like over a foot of snow. I was so happy that I was gonna go sledding/snowboarding with my friend Kurt who I hadn't actually talked to in person since New Years. We were gonna smoke maybe and go down giant hills on my sled on top of each other. Now, my dad was like Well if I were to take you I'd stay there and watch you. Seriously man what the fuck. I dun want my dad watching me...Gah I really want to go to. Why does this always happen to me? =/

I'm not sure what's going on anymore.

But you were there to help me when I was sad.

I'm not sure where I'd be without you.

We ate Chinese food and we laughed at toasters.

I'm sorry I can't mean everything to someone.

We hiked through the snow.

And my feet got oh so cold.

But we just laughed cause hell it was our imagination.

In our minds it'll always be summer.

The days at the beach we had were great.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this.

Cause none of this shit is true.

I made up a person in my head.

An imaginary friend who'd always be there for me.

I'd picture us two having fun places doing shit.

It's funny how I find out I don't have "a best friend".

Just a few good friends here and there in times of need.

Always their times of need not mine.

If you find someone you can lean on too lean on too hard though.

You never know what tomorrow brings.

But I can always lean on myself.

And that's what I like about having my own friend.

A friend no one else knows about or can talk to.

I'll sometimes lay there in bed having a conversation with them.

And I'll start bursting out laughing even if I'm home alone.

I don't know why I wrote this.

Cause none of this shit is true

I'm not sure what's going on anymore.But you were there to help me when I was sad.I was ready to fucking died and you said "It'd be okay"I'm not sure where I'd be without you.We ate Chinese food and we laughed at toasters.I'm sorry I can't mean everything to someone.We hiked through the snow.And my feet got oh so cold.But we just laughed cause hell it was our imagination.In our minds it'll always be summer.The days at the beach we had were great.I'm not sure why I'm writing this.Cause none of this shit is true.I made up a person in my head.An imaginary friend who'd always be there for me.I'd picture us two having fun places doing shit.It's funny how I find out I don't have "a best friend".Just a few good friends here and there in times of need.Always their times of need not mine.If you find someone you can lean on too lean on too hard though.You never know what tomorrow brings.But I can always lean on myself.And that's what I like about having my own friend.A friend no one else knows about or can talk to.I'll sometimes lay there in bed having a conversation with them.And I'll start bursting out laughing even if I'm home alone.I don't know why I wrote this.Cause none of this shit is true