Custom Search
   Inimitable               
 


VIEWING 1 - 12 OUT OF 18 BLOGS.


Page:  1 | 2 | Next >  Last >>

Parkinson's
DATE: 05/20/2013 05:23:58 / MOOD: happy

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.  Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.  One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.  After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?'  She asks, 'What?'  'Sex!!' he replies  Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!'  'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.'  Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. 

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.  Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.  She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!  Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?'  Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's!'



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Big People Words
DATE: 05/10/2013 10:16:36 / MOOD: happy

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend.

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use 'Big People' words!'

 

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

 

She said. 'No, you took a ride

on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

'I read a book' he replied.

That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?' (I love this...)  Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT.'

 

 



View Entry | Leave A Comment


For only $5.99! (plus handling)
DATE: 04/17/2013 07:35:57 / MOOD: Stoned

Answer this for only $5.99! (plus handling)

 

 

OK, here is how this works. If you I.Q. is over 150, and you have $5.99 (plus .67 cents handling), you might be eligible for a shot at correctly answering one (1) of six (6) questions. If you think you qualify, put the money in a cigar box and bury it in the ground. One of our underground agents will retrieve it shortly. Once your payment is cleared you may proceed by viewing the list of irrelevant questions bellow, picking a question and answering it in the comment section. Sorry, due to high demand we must limit one (1) question per commenter.

 

BUT WAIT! (avoid that handling charge today)

 

 ~ Not sober enough to spell? ~ Flunked English class? ~ Ten digit amputee? Or you simply want to avoid that pesky handling charge altogether? No Problem my friends!

For a small fee of .67 cents you may psychically channel your answer directly to our board certified spiritualist medium somewhere perhaps near Indiana’s world famous Camp Chesterfield. ~ http://www.campchesterfield.net

 

 

 

 

Assuming that your payment has cleared you may begin.

 

 

1. How has this happened to you?

 

2. You are curious for the paranormal unknown, the very deep yet to be explained universal mysteries of antiquity now what do you do?

 

3. If that time and those people are upon you will you be off or from?

          

4. When you were depressed for a sufficient period of time that a thick mossy blanket of apathy enveloped your view of yourself and your view of others did you allow that toxic level of melancholy to then become normalized in your mind to the point that you started believing most if not all of the happy people in your world were crazy nut job weirdo’s?

 

5. Say you’ve heard that money is the root of all evil, what is the root of all money?

 

6. While you were waiting on your payment to clear you visited www.reverbnation.com/brainworm322 and played several tracks, provide a review of his music?

 

 

Thank me for playing.  



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Two Brothers
DATE: 04/12/2013 22:06:57 / MOOD: happy

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors and led an exemplary life. As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities. One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy after life. One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven." God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere .."

  

"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."

"You may see him if you wish", God said.  "I will give you power to gaze into hell." So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of his favorite beer and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde. The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be all that bad." God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde does not." 

View Entry | Leave A Comment


This is only a test.
DATE: 04/07/2013 01:47:23 / MOOD: happy

 Alzheimer's Test: How fast can you guess these words?

 

1.   F_ _K 

 

2.   PU_S_ 

 

3.   S_X   

 

4.   P_N_S   

 

5.   BOO_S 

 

6.   _ _NDOM 

 

 

 

 

    

Answers: 1. FORK 

2. PULSE  3. SIX  4. PANTS  5. BOOKS  6. RANDOM 

 

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you may not have Alzheimer's, but you are a pervert!



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Planck Time
DATE: 03/09/2013 03:40:30 / MOOD: other

Human freedom is to be put on trial. We are cornered and being rushed from a thousand different points. We are not going to lay down, lick boots and get through this. We must have the will to survive, evade, resist, and escape.

 The time we’re going into will govern the future of a humanity locked into existence forever. Grave considerations are underway to sweep the great majority of humanity into tombs just prior to a manufactured singularity.

 

"In your present situation, what do you most desire?"

Well then stop being shy, this is our family, our friends, and our neighbors, our very lives we’re talking about here. History is ending right before your eyes. You are not bystanders. You are not spectators. Get in the game; time as we know it is going to collapse soon! Discredit fallacious authority and support each other because we’re working for our lives here. Encourage one another to get people thinking deeply about their interactions with and reactions to everything around them at every level of scientific understanding. Wake the people!

 

 ~Hic et ubique~  

 



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Dumb Joke Of The Week
DATE: 02/24/2013 13:18:45 / MOOD: happy

On the fourth day of their honeymoon, the 21 year old bride was begging for mercy from her 75 year old husband.
 
Rather than endure yet another lovemaking session, she slipped out of the room while he was showering and went to the hotel coffee shop.
 
The waitress, who had served the couple breakfast each day, was shocked at the woman's appearance.
 
"Honey, you're just a young thing," she remarked, "but you look awful, what's up?"
 
"I've been double-crossed," the miserable bride moaned, "when he said he'd been saving up for 50 years, I thought he meant CASH!!!"
 
~ Zing!


View Entry | Leave A Comment


A Tale of Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
DATE: 02/21/2013 11:49:11 / MOOD: happy

DISCLAIMER: The information transmitted hereby is intended
only for >CENSORED< and might contain confidential or privileged>
information. Any use of this information by anyone other than the
intended recipient is prohibited. If you receive this communication in
error, please contact >CENSORED< immediately and delete the>
communication from your computers and systems.
 
 
 
 

A Tale of Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife. Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?' 'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies. 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow." She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

~Zing! 



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Free Pussy Riot NOW !
DATE: 02/16/2013 05:52:40 / MOOD: other

I received this email from Watchdog.net recently regarding two members of the Russian punk group Pussy Riot. Most of you have been following this story for some time now so please continue doing what you can do to help. ~ PLEASE READ THE MESSAGE BELLOW AND RESPOND BY FILING OUT THE WATCHDOG.NET PETITION TODAY!!!!

Dear ___ ____,

The prisons in Perm and Mordovia are some of the harshest camps in all Russia, known for severely unhealthy conditions, a complete absence of privacy and a brutal social hierarchy where convicts are subject to abuse and sexual violence by both prison guards and inmates. 

This summer, Pussy Riot's Maria Alyokhina, 24, and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, began two-year prison sentences there for daring to stand against Vladimir Putin. Now Nadezhda has been hospitalized after toiling in prison yards around the clock -- and sources say her life is in danger.

Media attention this summer already caused Putin's puppets to stop pushing for the maximum penalty and pardon one member of the group. Don't let Nadezhda become a martyr for dissent: call for Pussy Riot to be transferred to a Moscow facility now!

PETITION TO VLADIMIR PUTIN AND RUSSIAN PENAL AUTHORITIES: There is no reason to deny Maria Alyokhina and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova the right to serve their two-year prison terms in Moscow to be closer to their children. The world is watching: Transfer Maria and Nadezhda now!

Click here to sign -- it just takes a second.

 

Thanks, -- The folks at Watchdog.net

 

P.S. If the other links aren't working for you, please go here to sign: http://act.watchdog.net/petitions/2390?n=15550781.tGXaWf

 

********************************************** http://freepussyriot.org/

 



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Laugh Much?
DATE: 01/11/2013 09:35:03 / MOOD: happy

 

"To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty,

to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are times, after their hard work and dedication to family, friend and neighbor that everyone should remember to laugh and appreciate the good work they have done.  Mirth is key to unlocking certain metaphorical programing in the mind; to enliven the whimsical jester in all of us, to dream big, to have courage and not give up, to project ideas and shield against pain. Laugh as much as you breath and love as long as you live.

 

Mirth is King.  Find it so!



View Entry | Leave A Comment


Marvel Jack
DATE: 12/30/2012 10:27:42 / MOOD: other

 

 

Poem by Marvel Parsons

I height Don Quixote, I live on Peyote, marihuana, morphine and cocaine.

I never knew sadness but only a madness that burns at the heart and the brain,

I see each charwoman ecstatic, inhuman, angelic, demonic, divine,

Each wagon a dragon, each beer mug a flagon that brims with ambrosial wine.

I went to the city and found it a pity the devil was playing at hell,

And ten million mortals had entered hell’s portals and thought they were all doing well.

I said: “See, dear people, on every church steeple an imp of the devil at play,

See ghouls cut their capers in daily newspapers and fiends in police courts hold sway;

The mountains are palaces, women are chalices meant to be supped and not sold,

The desert a banquet hall set for a festival, ripe for the free and the bold;

The wind and the sky are ours, heaven and all its stars, waken, and do what you will;

Break with this demon spawn’d hel-inspired nightmare bond – Magick lies over the hill.

They said I was crazy, ambiguous, lazy, disgusting, fantastic, obscene;

So I hied for my sagebrush and cactus and corn mush, To see if the air was still clean.

Oh, I height Don Quixote, I live on peyote, marijuana, morphine and cocaine,

And may I be twice damned for a bank-clerk or store hand if I visit the city again.

 

Marvel Whiteside Parsons AKA Jack Parsons, (born October 2, 1914 – June 17, 1952)

Jack Parsons is one of those people who had a major effect upon human history, but most people have never heard of him (Look Him Up!) - or know only a mangled fragment. His bio makes him sound like a military-industrial-complex insider, but reality paints a quite different picture. His life story alone would be fascinating material for film or mini-series. Maybe if he hadn't blown himself to smithereens in the early 50s, in his early 30s (!) he'd have caused some serious mischief in later years - especially as the 60s kicked off.

 



View Entry | Leave A Comment


DRUGS and WAR
DATE: 12/22/2012 21:35:27 / MOOD: happy

It has been my experience that when liberals and conservatives take a good look at themselves and genuinely strive for logical consistency, they wind up turning into, (gasp!) libertarians.

Both liberals and conservatives share the belief that society needs a safety net that only a mighty, centralized state can provide. The only real difference is that liberals prefer a social safety net to provide free education, medical care, housing, food, and, increasingly, disposable income and leisure activities. Conservatives want a so-called moral safety net, a government authority responsible for enforcing what they see as good moral behavior and condemning what they see as immoral behavior as well as funding an ever widening military empire.

What both sides fail to grasp is that you can’t get one without the other. The government that feeds you can easily retain the prerogative to tell you what to eat. In other words a government powerful enough to provide everything you want is also powerful enough to take away everything you have.

Why do so many people miss this obvious truth?

Frederic Bastiat provided a great answer in his definition of what makes an economist good or bad:

There is only one difference between a bad economist and a good one: the bad economist confines himself to the visible effect; the good economist takes into account both the effect that can be seen and those effects that must be foreseen.

This is the basic reason conservatives and liberals find themselves defending paradoxical and even hypocritical conclusions; they see some perceived good, or they desire to prevent some perceived evil, and they are blinded to what remains unseen.

Those of the Left, in their pursuit of economic equality, fail to see the unintended consequences of egalitarianism — the destruction of personal liberty, stifling of productivity, and general impoverishment and enslavement to government that everywhere are the fruits of their policies. Conservatives, meanwhile, in the pursuit of their twin golden calves — security and morality — are blind to the atrocities committed, at home and abroad, in pursuit of these lofty ideals.

There is, perhaps, reason to be hopeful. War-weariness, the blistering stupidity of the bureaucracies that run the government, from the CIA to the TSA and NLRB, the militarization of police departments, and the passage of such abominations as the NDAA and Patriot Act seem to be awakening many conservatives, at least, to the unseens that surround their seen goals.

But one battle that still galvanizes the conservatives’ will and numbs their capacity for reason is the war on drugs. This is the surest principle upon which conservatives seem willing to unite, and the source of most of their anti-libertarian straw men. “You libertarians just want children hooked on crack,” they claim. Smug in their conviction that the drug war is a noble and righteous struggle, conservatives are blinded to its numerous and tragic consequences both in lives destroyed and in dollars wasted. For me, the costs of America’s wars, in lives and treasure, were the deciding factor in my not embracing main-stream conservatism. For many establishment Republicans and Neo-Cons, however, this seems to be immaterial. To them these are, not deaths, but merely statistics; and this is, of course, the fundamental delusion necessary to accept and wholeheartedly support each and every war that comes along.

Marijuana, Marinol, And The Unseen Cost.

There is, however, another significant consequence of drug prohibition. It is a classic example of Bastiat’s “that which is not seen.” The clinical and therapeutic promise of cannabis is staggering. Studies have linked cannabis to the destruction and inhibition of brain and breast tumors, the prevention of Alzheimer’s, treatment of glaucoma and multiple sclerosis, and even some forms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Marinol, a synthetic cannabinoid, is now widely used as an appetite stimulant and anitemetic in cancer patients. But the use of synthetic cannabinoids has two drawbacks. First, in attempting to isolate and fabricate the “effective ingredients,” you destroy whatever synergistic effects existed between the various compounds found in marijuana.

Second, the prescription of synthetic Marinol, produced by UniMed Pharmaceuticals, grants corporate control over something that should be easily, cheaply available to anyone with a need for it. How much research is left undone — how many benefits remain undiscovered because of the pot prohibition — is anyone’s guess.

The war on drugs is just another attempt by the state to stifle innovation, limit creativity, and exert its control over every detail of our lives. Many well-meaning people endorse it and genuinely feel that they are doing the right thing. But the problem with wars is that they all end the same way: the result is not peace and prosperity, but widespread suffering and misery. It's is time to end this prohibition on individual liberty and just say no to drug wars.



View Entry | Leave A Comment



Page:  1 | 2 | Next >  Last >>