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VIEWING 1 - 12 OUT OF 18 BLOGS.
Parkinson's
DATE: 05/20/2013 05:23:58 / MOOD: happy
Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen
Home.
Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to
sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and
before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do
you know what I miss most of all?'
She asks, 'What?'
'Sex!!' he replies
Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to
your head!'
'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for
a while.'
Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood
and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where
they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the
pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's
manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have
that I don't have?'
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's!'
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Big People Words
DATE: 05/10/2013 10:16:36 / MOOD: happy
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become
accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted
on NO baby talk!
You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend.
'I went to visit my Nana'.
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.
Use 'Big People' words!'
She then asked Mitchell what he had done
'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.
She said. 'No, you took a ride
on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.
She then asked little Alex what he had done?
'I read a book' he replied.
That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.
'What book did you read?'
(I love this...)
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride,
and said,
'Winnie the SHIT.'
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For only $5.99! (plus handling)
DATE: 04/17/2013 07:35:57 / MOOD: Stoned
Answer this for only $5.99! (plus handling)
OK, here is how this works. If you I.Q. is over 150, and you
have $5.99 (plus .67 cents handling), you might be eligible for a shot at
correctly answering one (1) of six (6) questions. If you think you qualify,
put the money in a cigar box and bury it in the ground. One of our underground
agents will retrieve it shortly. Once your payment is cleared you may
proceed by viewing the list of irrelevant questions bellow, picking a question
and answering it in the comment section. Sorry, due to high demand we must
limit one (1) question per commenter.
BUT WAIT! (avoid that handling charge today)
~ Not sober enough to
spell? ~ Flunked English class? ~ Ten digit amputee? Or you simply want to avoid
that pesky handling charge altogether? No Problem my friends!
For a small fee of .67 cents you may psychically channel
your answer directly to our board certified spiritualist medium somewhere
perhaps near Indiana’s world
famous Camp Chesterfield.
~ http://www.campchesterfield.net
Assuming that your payment has cleared you may begin.
1. How has this happened to you?
2. You are curious for the paranormal unknown, the very deep
yet to be explained universal mysteries of antiquity now what do you do?
3. If that time and those people are upon you will you be off or from?
4. When you were depressed for a sufficient period of time that a
thick mossy blanket of apathy enveloped your view of yourself and your view of
others did you allow that toxic level of melancholy to then become normalized
in your mind to the point that you started believing most if not all of the
happy people in your world were crazy nut job weirdo’s?
5. Say you’ve heard that money is the root of all evil, what is the root of all money?
6. While you were waiting on your payment to clear you
visited www.reverbnation.com/brainworm322
and played several tracks, provide a review of his music? Thank me for playing.
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Two Brothers
DATE: 04/12/2013 22:06:57 / MOOD: happy
Once upon a time there were two brothers. One
brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The
evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother
was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.
One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother
passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy after life. One
day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died
before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."
God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not
spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere .."
"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied.
"But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You may see him if you wish", God said. "I will give you
power to gaze into hell."
So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long
he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of his favorite beer
and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.
The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm
seeing. I have found my brother and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a
beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be
all that bad."
God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg
has a hole in it. The blonde does not."
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This is only a test.
DATE: 04/07/2013 01:47:23 / MOOD: happy
Alzheimer's Test:
How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM
Answers:
1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Well, you may not have Alzheimer's, but you are a pervert!
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Planck Time
DATE: 03/09/2013 03:40:30 / MOOD: other
Human freedom is to be put on trial. We are cornered and being
rushed from a thousand different points. We are not going to lay
down, lick boots and get through this. We must have the will to survive, evade,
resist, and escape. The time we’re going into will govern the future of a humanity
locked into existence forever. Grave considerations are underway to sweep the
great majority of humanity into tombs just prior to a manufactured singularity. "In your present situation, what do you most desire?"
Well then stop being shy, this is our family, our friends, and our neighbors,
our very lives we’re talking about here. History is ending right before your
eyes. You are not bystanders. You are not spectators. Get in the game; time as we know it is
going to collapse soon! Discredit fallacious authority and support each other because
we’re working for our lives here. Encourage one another to get people thinking
deeply about their interactions with and reactions to everything around them at
every level of scientific understanding. Wake the people! ~Hic et ubique~
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Dumb Joke Of The Week
DATE: 02/24/2013 13:18:45 / MOOD: happy
On the fourth day of their honeymoon, the 21 year old bride was begging for mercy from her 75 year old husband.
Rather than endure yet another lovemaking session, she slipped out of the room while he was showering and went to the hotel coffee shop.
The waitress, who had served the couple breakfast each day, was shocked at the woman's appearance.
"Honey, you're just a young thing," she remarked, "but you look awful, what's up?"
"I've been double-crossed," the miserable bride moaned, "when he said he'd been saving up for 50 years, I thought he meant CASH!!!" ~ Zing!
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A Tale of Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
DATE: 02/21/2013 11:49:11 / MOOD: happy
DISCLAIMER: The information transmitted hereby is intended only for >CENSORED< and might contain confidential or privileged> information. Any use of this information by anyone other than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you receive this communication in error, please contact >CENSORED< immediately and delete the> communication from your computers and systems.
A Tale of Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and
Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is
killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, damn, someone should
go and tell his wife. Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive
stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of
Budweiser.
Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?' 'Cooter's wife gave it to
me,'
Ronnie replies. 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead
and she gave you beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her,
"you must be Cooter's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a
case of Budweiser you are.'
~Zing!
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Free Pussy Riot NOW !
DATE: 02/16/2013 05:52:40 / MOOD: other
I received this email from Watchdog.net recently
regarding two members of the Russian punk group Pussy Riot. Most of you have been following this story for some time now so please continue doing what you can do to help. ~ PLEASE READ
THE MESSAGE BELLOW AND RESPOND BY FILING OUT THE WATCHDOG.NET PETITION TODAY!!!!
Dear ___ ____,
The prisons in Perm and Mordovia are
some of the harshest camps in all Russia, known for severely
unhealthy conditions, a complete absence of privacy and a brutal social
hierarchy where convicts are subject to abuse and
sexual violence by both prison guards and inmates.
This summer, Pussy Riot's Maria
Alyokhina, 24, and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, began two-year prison sentences
there for daring to stand against Vladimir Putin. Now Nadezhda has been hospitalized after
toiling in prison yards around the clock -- and sources say her life is in
danger.
Media attention this summer already caused Putin's puppets
to stop pushing for the maximum penalty and pardon one member of the group. Don't
let Nadezhda become a martyr for dissent: call
for Pussy Riot to be transferred to a Moscow
facility now!
PETITION TO VLADIMIR PUTIN AND RUSSIAN
PENAL AUTHORITIES: There is no reason to deny Maria Alyokhina and Nadezhda
Tolokonnikova the right to serve their two-year prison terms in Moscow
to be closer to their children. The world is watching: Transfer Maria and
Nadezhda now!
Click
here to sign -- it just takes a second.
Thanks,
-- The folks at Watchdog.net
P.S. If the other links aren't working
for you, please go here to sign: http://act.watchdog.net/petitions/2390?n=15550781.tGXaWf ********************************************** http://freepussyriot.org/
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Laugh Much?
DATE: 01/11/2013 09:35:03 / MOOD: happy
"To laugh often
and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of
children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the
betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in
others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a
garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has
breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson There are times, after their hard
work and dedication to family, friend and neighbor that everyone should
remember to laugh and appreciate the good work they have done. Mirth is key to unlocking certain metaphorical programing in the mind; to enliven the whimsical jester in all of us, to dream big, to have courage and not give up, to project ideas and shield against pain. Laugh as much as you breath and love as long as you live.
Mirth is King. Find it so! 
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Marvel Jack
DATE: 12/30/2012 10:27:42 / MOOD: other
Poem by Marvel Parsons
I height Don Quixote, I live on Peyote,
marihuana, morphine and cocaine.
I never knew sadness but only a madness
that burns at the heart and the brain,
I see each charwoman ecstatic, inhuman,
angelic, demonic, divine,
Each wagon a dragon, each beer mug a flagon
that brims with ambrosial wine.
I went to the city and found it a pity
the devil was playing at hell,
And ten million mortals had entered hell’s
portals
and thought they were all doing well.
I said: “See, dear people, on every church
steeple
an imp of the devil at play,
See ghouls cut their capers in daily
newspapers
and fiends in police courts hold sway;
The mountains are palaces, women are chalices
meant to be supped and not sold,
The desert a banquet hall set for a festival,
ripe for the free and the bold;
The wind and the sky are ours, heaven and all
its stars,
waken, and do what you will;
Break with this demon spawn’d hel-inspired
nightmare
bond – Magick lies over the hill.
They said I was crazy, ambiguous, lazy,
disgusting, fantastic, obscene;
So I hied for my sagebrush and cactus and
corn mush,
To see if the air was still clean.
Oh, I height Don Quixote, I live on peyote,
marijuana, morphine and cocaine,
And may I be twice damned for a bank-clerk or
store hand
if I visit the city again.
Marvel Whiteside Parsons AKA Jack Parsons, (born October 2, 1914 – June 17, 1952)
Jack Parsons is one of those people who had a major effect upon human
history, but most people have never heard of him (Look Him Up!) - or know only a mangled fragment.
His bio makes him sound like a military-industrial-complex insider, but reality
paints a quite different picture. His life story alone would be fascinating
material for film or mini-series. Maybe if he hadn't blown himself to smithereens in the early 50s, in his early
30s (!) he'd have caused some serious mischief in later years - especially as
the 60s kicked off.
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DRUGS and WAR
DATE: 12/22/2012 21:35:27 / MOOD: happy
It has been my experience that when liberals and conservatives take a good look at themselves and genuinely
strive for logical consistency, they wind up turning into, (gasp!) libertarians.
Both liberals and conservatives share the belief that society needs a safety
net that only a mighty, centralized state can provide. The only real difference
is that liberals prefer a social safety net to provide free education,
medical care, housing, food, and, increasingly, disposable income and leisure
activities. Conservatives want a so-called moral safety net, a
government authority responsible for enforcing what they see as good moral behavior
and condemning what they see as immoral behavior as well as funding an ever widening military empire.
What both sides fail to grasp is that you can’t get
one without the other. The government that feeds you can easily retain the
prerogative to tell you what to eat. In other words a government powerful enough to provide everything you want is also powerful enough to take away everything you have.
Why do so many people miss this obvious truth?
Frederic Bastiat provided a great answer in his definition of what makes an
economist good or bad:
There is only one difference between a bad economist and a good one: the bad
economist confines himself to the visible effect; the good economist takes into
account both the effect that can be seen and those effects that must be
foreseen.
This is the basic reason conservatives and liberals find themselves
defending paradoxical and even hypocritical conclusions; they see some
perceived good, or they desire to prevent some perceived evil, and they are
blinded to what remains unseen.
Those of the Left, in their pursuit of economic equality, fail to see the
unintended consequences of egalitarianism — the destruction of personal liberty,
stifling of productivity, and general impoverishment and enslavement to government
that everywhere are the fruits of their policies. Conservatives, meanwhile, in
the pursuit of their twin golden calves — security and morality — are blind to
the atrocities committed, at home and abroad, in pursuit of these lofty ideals.
There is, perhaps, reason to be hopeful. War-weariness, the blistering
stupidity of the bureaucracies that run the government, from the CIA to the TSA
and NLRB, the militarization of police departments, and the passage of such abominations as the NDAA and Patriot Act seem to be awakening many conservatives,
at least, to the unseens that surround their seen goals.
But one battle that still galvanizes the conservatives’ will and numbs their
capacity for reason is the war on drugs. This is the surest principle upon
which conservatives seem willing to unite, and the source of most of their anti-libertarian
straw men. “You libertarians just want children hooked on crack,” they claim.
Smug in their conviction that the drug war is a noble and righteous struggle,
conservatives are blinded to its numerous and tragic consequences both in lives
destroyed and in dollars wasted. For me, the costs of America’s
wars, in lives and treasure, were the deciding factor in my not embracing main-stream
conservatism. For many establishment Republicans and Neo-Cons, however, this seems to be immaterial. To
them these are, not deaths, but merely statistics; and this is, of course, the
fundamental delusion necessary to accept and wholeheartedly support each and
every war that comes along.
Marijuana, Marinol, And The Unseen Cost.
There is, however, another significant consequence of drug prohibition. It
is a classic example of Bastiat’s “that which is not seen.” The clinical and
therapeutic promise of cannabis is staggering. Studies have linked cannabis to
the destruction and inhibition of brain and breast tumors, the prevention of
Alzheimer’s, treatment of glaucoma and multiple sclerosis, and even some forms
of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
Marinol, a synthetic cannabinoid, is now widely used as an appetite stimulant
and anitemetic in cancer patients. But the use of synthetic cannabinoids has
two drawbacks. First, in attempting to isolate and fabricate the “effective
ingredients,” you destroy whatever synergistic effects existed between the
various compounds found in marijuana.
Second, the prescription of synthetic Marinol, produced by UniMed
Pharmaceuticals, grants corporate control over something that should be easily,
cheaply available to anyone with a need for it. How much research is left
undone — how many benefits remain undiscovered because of the pot prohibition —
is anyone’s guess.
The war on drugs is just another attempt by the state to stifle innovation,
limit creativity, and exert its control over every detail of our lives. Many
well-meaning people endorse it and genuinely feel that they are doing the right
thing. But the problem with wars is that they all end the same way: the result
is not peace and prosperity, but widespread suffering and misery. It's is time to end this prohibition on individual liberty and just say no to drug wars.
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