DATE: 05/23/2012 01:10:55 / MOOD: happy

I like you. You're not like the other people here in the trailer park. Oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57. Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer. They're good fine people, Stuart. But they don't know what the queers are doing to the soil.

You know that Johnny Werzner kid - the kid who delivers papers in the neighborhood? He's a fine kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrow owl, just like his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live". So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.

Anyway at 10:30 the other night I go out into my yard and there's the Werzner kid looking up in the tree. I said, "What are you looking for?" He said, "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?!"

Now Stuart, do you think a kid like thatis gonna know what the queers are doing to the soil?

I first became aware of this, about 10 years ago, the summer my oldest boy Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival that comes to town every year? Well this year it came with a ride called the Mixer. The man said "Keep your head and arms inside the mixer at all times." But Bill Jr., he was a daredevil, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying, "Hey everybody! Look at me, look at me!" POW! He was decapitated.

They found his head over by the snowcone concession. A few days after that, I open up the mail and there's a pamphlet in there, from Pueblo, Colorado. And it's addressed to Bill Jr. And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?"

Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population - Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it, you can't grow anything in it. The government says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on, Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens!

THEY'RE BUILDING LANDING STRIPS FOR GAY MARTIANS! I SWEAR TO GOD!

You know what, Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people, here in the trailer park.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 05/12/2012 19:53:54 / MOOD: other

Still mildly irritated over something that happened on Wednesday night.

I went out to meet a few friends at the bar and some idiot swears up and down that I backhanded him. His only logic was that I was "the only motherfucker in there with gloves and studs". Yeah... He asks me how old I am and I told him, he said "I'm 22, it would be an HONOR to knock out a 29 year old". Yeah, I just blew him off.
 
Anyway, after the bar closes he and two friends are waiting for me. They surround me telling me to drop my skateboard. Yeah, I'm not going to get robbed too. So, the guy is talking shit "drop your skateboard! drop your skateboard, pussy!"...

Dude, I'm not going to drop my shit to get beat down by three kids who just want to fight. I keep walking, they keep yelling. His friend sucker punches me and hits me in the back with a tire iron. Not even missing a step, I keep walking... To end it, they back off, I keep on my trek and the one that kept talking shit never did a damned thing except for yelling that "he licked my old ladie's pussy clean". Three against one, yet, I'M the pussy. Yup.
 
Needless to say, I've done alot of dumb things before, but I'm not stupid. I'm not about to fight back only to get jumped by three dumbasses, one of which is armed, only to get all my shit stolen after I get knocked out.

Ok, vent over.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 05/04/2011 23:12:21 / MOOD: happy

Come hither, my lads, with your tankards of ale,
And drink to the present before it shall fail;
Pile each on your platters a mountain of beef,
For 'tis eating and drinking that bring us relief:
  So fill up your glass,
  For life will soon pass;
When you're dead ye'll ne'er drink to your king or your lass!

Anacreon had a red nose, so they say;
But what's a red nose if ye're happy and gay?
Gad split me! I'd rather be red whilst I'm here,
Than white as a lily -and dead half a year!
  So Betty my miss,
  Come give me a kiss;
In hell there's no inkeeper's daughter like this!

Young Harry, propp'd up just as straight as he's able,
Will soon lose his wig and slip under the table,
But fill up your goblets and pass 'em around-
Better under the table than under the ground!
  So revel and chaff
  As ye thirstily quaff:
Under six feet of dirt 'tis less easy to laugh!

The fiend strike me blue! I'm scarce able to walk,
And damn me if I can't stand upright or talk!
Here, landlord, bid Betty to summon a chair;
I'll try home for a while, for my wife is not there! 
  So lend me a hand
  I'm not able to stand,
But I'm gay whilst I linger on top of the land!

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 04/29/2011 17:12:32 / MOOD: other



View Entry | Leave A Comment