i was born on mars before they called it "the red planet" and was sent on an escape pod right before mars was destroyed by the lunar cows and i crash landed in Peru where i was raised by llamas i made a helicopter from peruvian vines and coffee beans and flew to the united states and crash landed in new york where i met up with some Canadians on vacation and they gave me a ride to Indiana where i met some rednecks who drove me to California so i could search for hookers and my llama brother Bob i then joined the llama army to fight in the war against alpacas where i then met my brother who was wounded and sent back home i never saw him again so after i served i served for  three more years the war was won and i was sent back also i decided to move back to Indiana... for now