IT'S TIME TO INVADE DUMBFUCKISTAN!

By: jonhomeowner Mood: in love Date: 11/25/2008 13:42:10 Music: None

The map of North America, showing Dumbfuckistan in red, and America in blue.¹

I propose we invade Dumbfuckistan, and start with a final solution program of ethnic cleansing. I will make the ultimate case for war against these reprobates in the eight paragraphs following this one. I hope, after reading this, you will be swayed into an emotional fuhrer furor - one great enough that you will grant me sole authority as your Commander-in-Chief for the war against Dumbfuckistan.

The nation of Dumbfuckistan, while a sovereign nation with its own laws, cannot be allowed to survive. The propensity of the government officials there leans overwhelming towards fascism and oppression. The only recourse we, as Americans, have is to free the people and lead them into a truly democratic society, free of theocratic monarchs like Pat Robertson (and the late, but not great, Jerry Fallwell).

You might ask, "What has Dumbfuckistan done wrong?"

You'd be on-target for asking such a question, as going to war should never be taken lightly. But, once I lay out my reasoning, I think you reasonably intelligent people will be on-board for the kind of ethnic cleansing we haven't seen since the epic works of Pol Pot (Rwanda? Ha! THAT is nothing compared to what we're going to do!).

Dumbfuckistan, in all of its power and glory, remains a religious oligarchy of the worst kind. While they elect their leaders in seemingly-free elections, there are public religious figures playing eminence grise, while the elected officials are simply figureheads. The good people have been duped, while the bad people have been pulling the strings all along.

And what's worse than secret religious leaders pulling strings behind curtains like masked puppeteers? How about when they do it at the detriment of women. Are you a woman? Do you like having a mind of your own? Try doing that in the nation of Dumbfuckistan! You might end up with a black eye, or worse! And if you think the violence and hatred ends at women, check-out how they feel about other minorities: homosexuals are looked down upon and thought-of as abominations against some ridiculous god-like figure, while ethnic minorities are still second-class citizens throughout most of the Empire sovereign nation.

And finally, the most important reason, which I actually shouldn't be mentioning here, but I think you'll bear with me on it and understand it: THEY HAVE OIL. They have a ton of oil. The province of Texas alone has more oil than any of our states alone! We could fuel our hybrid vehicles for centuries years to come with such resources!

Folks, it's about time we invaded Dumbfuckistan. They've had years to prosper and move-forward with the rest of the world, but they refuse to do so. They're stuck in their backwards world of religious dogma. Hell, rumor has it that they still teach creationism in some parts of Dumbfuckistan.

What do you all say? Are you ready? Let's have a war!

*a toast to a good war and prosperous ethnic cleansing*

1. I did not make this map. I have no idea where it came from.