People are still assholes and I still don't know what to do

By: Shadsky Mood: angry Date: 09/05/2008 20:56:38 Music: Damaged - Black Flag

There appears to be no way for me to stand up for myself. I don't know what to do, it just seems like people who call themselves my friends give me shit and then throw it in my face. I was taught that respect is a two way street. I respect my friends, I don't make fun of them, I don't give them shit. They like to treat me like crap. I tell them that it pisses me off and they don't care, they shove it in my face.

The thing is that there is a difference between annoying me and pissing me off. There is a vast chasm, but people don't realize it. When people piss me off, I guess some people call it "seeing red," it's like I just want to make them feel just as frustrated and hurt as I feel. (It's gotten me into some bad situations in the past). I don't know what to do, I tell them and they don't stop. They thinks it's a real big joke to get me pissed off.

I have no options it feels like. These are my fucking friends, but they act like my enemies. The problem is that it's my two best friends mostly, every one else is really nice to me. Sometimes I wish that I could just grab their heads and slam it into the fucking wall, just so they would shut up. They hate their lives, I know it, I see it. I think they're just pissed because I'm not a slacker whose going to be stuck here forever, I'm going to get out of this shit town. With that being said, I just want them to shut up. When I try to actually sit them down after what they've done (after I've told them it pisses me off the first time), they just get pissed off or they make fun of me.

They are stupid indie kids, who listen to sucky music, who have sucky lives, but they're my best friends. Ugh, in some ways I wish they would just leave me alone.